Finn Read online

  “Okay, I guess,” he shrugged as he stared out over his parents beautiful back garden, watching as the moonlight danced along the top of water in the swimming pool. “She’s a nice lady.”

  “Ouch,” Amelia said as she glanced over at Finn, giving him a smile.

  “What?” Finn asked, giving her a questioning look.

  “You said she was nice,” Amelia replied with a smile. “That’s how you describe a salad or a sandwich. It’s not what someone wants to hear from a man about the woman he’s dating.”

  “Why?” Finn asked, with a nervous laugh. “What’s wrong with someone being nice?”

  “Nothing, I guess,” Amelia shrugged. “But no great romance begins with the phrase, nice.”

  “I guess not,” Finn chuckled, as he shrugged his shoulders too. “I like spending time with her, but…”

  “But she isn’t rocking your world,” Amelia finished Finn’s thought.

  “No, I guess she isn’t,” Finn sighed, as once more Emmy jumped into his mind’s eye, he could see her smiling face looking back at him. He quickly shook his head, pushing her from his thoughts.

  “What was that?” Amelia asked, giving him a questioning look.

  “What was what?” Finn replied as he glanced over at her before he returned his attention back to the garden. He sometimes hated that Amelia could read him so well.

  “There was a look,” Amelia said, and Finn could hear the smile in her voice. “When you said that Louise didn’t rock your world; like maybe she didn’t, but someone else did.”

  “I think those pregnancy hormones are playing with your mind,” Finn replied with a deep laugh. “There was no look, I assure you.”

  For a moment, Amelia stared at Finn, but instead of arguing the point with him further, she just smiled and turned her gaze out to the back garden too.

  “Okay,” she said finally, and Finn could once more hear the smile in her voice. “Don’t tell me who that look was about. I just want you to be happy, and if this person makes you happy, then that’s all that matters in the end.”

  “There is no other person,” Finn insisted, though he knew his sister-in-law was far from convinced. “Tomorrow night, I’m going out with Louise again. It’ll be our fourth date, there nothing more than that.”

  “Fourth date?” Liam said as he joined them, sitting down next to Finn and Amelia with a bottle of beer in his hand. “Does that mean you have already sealed the deal?”

  “Sealed the deal?” Finn repeated, giving his brother a confused look.

  “You know; the third date rule,” Liam said with a wink before he took a long swig from his bottle of beer.

  “Is that all you think about,” Landen said, slapping Liam on the back of the head, as he too joined them on the patio. “Seriously.”

  “And I guess you don’t,” Liam laughed, as he thumped Landen in the arm. “It’s all any man thinks about.”

  “It’s not all I think about,” Finn insisted as he glared at his brother. “And no, I have not sealed the deal.”

  “Not up to the job, Big Brother?” Liam asked with a cheeky grin. “Because I would be happy to give you some pointers.”

  “I think I’ll pass,” Finn replied as he took another sip out of his glass of wine. He hated that his younger brothers saw him as a loser when it came to women.

  “Don’t let him get to you, Finn,” Landen said, giving his brother a reassuring pat on the back. “Not everyone has to be a man whore like Liam.”

  “Man whore and proud,” Liam chipped in, as Finn rolled his eyes. “And the boy wonder here could learn a lot from his little brother. All he has to do is ask.”

  “I think I might call it a night,” Finn said as he set down his wine glass and stood up. “It’s getting late.”

  “Finn,” Landen said as he too stood up, “Don’t leave.”

  “Come on, Finn,” Liam said, this time his tone was more sincere. “I was just goofing around. Don’t leave. I’m sorry.”

  “I have an early class,” Finn insisted, but he knew that wasn’t the real reason that he was leaving, he also knew that his brothers knew it too.

  Finn had never felt comfortable joking around about sleeping with girls with his brothers. He didn’t always feel like he was part of their little group. Growing up, he had been different from them in more than just the fact he rather read books, than play sports like the rest of his brothers. They always had different girls following them around, but Finn rarely dated. He was always so uncomfortable around girls, so he never knew what to say, or do.

  As he got older, that wasn’t as much of a problem, but still, he wasn’t comfortable talking about his sex life with his brothers. He thought sex was a private thing, something that happened between two consenting adults. He didn’t think bragging about his conquests was something he would ever feel comfortable with.

  “Finn, please don’t leave,” Amelia said as she too stood up.

  “I really do have an early class,” Finn assured her, giving her a reassuring smile.

  “Will we see you for dinner next week?” Landen asked as he gave his brother a worried look.

  “Of course,” Finn replied with a nod, but he was already thinking of a reason not to go. “But I really should be heading off.”

  “Okay,” Landen said, and Finn knew Landen could see through his lie, but he was glad he didn’t say anything.

  Finn said goodnight, then went to say goodnight to his parents, and other two brothers.

  “You’re not driving are you,” Nell asked as she kissed her son on the cheek.

  “No,” Finn assured her. “I will let Thomas drop me home.”

  Thomas had been working for his family since he was a little kid, and Finn liked him. Sometimes he liked to ask him for advice. Thomas got Finn in a way the rest of his family sometimes didn’t. When there was family gatherings, Thomas was always on call to drop them home.

  “Good boy,” Nell said with a relieved smile. Finn knew his mother was happy that he was being sensible. He kissed her once more, then said goodnight, before he made his way out to the hallway, then out through the front door.

  “Finn,” Landen called as Finn stepped out onto the front porch. “Wait up.”

  “What’s up?” Finn asked as he turned back to his brother.

  “About what Liam said,” Landen began, but Finn smiled as he raised his hand to stop him.

  “I don’t care what Liam says,” Finn assured his brother. “I mean, I meant what I said. I’m not about to talk about my sex life with him. But I’m not bothered by what he said.”

  “But something is bothering you,” Landen said, giving his brother a worried look. “You’ve been quiet all evening.”

  “It’s nothing that really matters,” Finn shrugged, surprised by how well his brother knew him.

  “If it’s bothering you, then it matters to me,” Landen insisted as he gave his brother a smile. “Finn, I know you better than you know yourself sometimes. You might think it’s nothing that important, but if there is something you want to talk about, you know I am here for you.”

  “Do you remember Alison Hagen?” Finn had the words out before he even thought about it.

  “My professor, Alison Hagen?” Landen asked, completely surprised by his question. “Of course I remember her. It’s been a few years since she was killed, but I still think about her from time to time.”

  “Did you know her daughter?” Finn asked realising he was opening a can of worms here.

  “Emily?” Landen said, but he looked a little unsure.

  “Emmy,” Finn corrected him, as a spark of recognition filled his brother’s face.

  “That’s it,” Landen replied. “I had almost forgotten Professor Hagen had a daughter. She must be twenty-one or twenty –two by now.”

  “Twenty-four,” Finn clarified. “She is in my freshmen class.”

  “Wow,” Landen replied, and Finn could see his interest was piqued. “And what is she like?”

 
; “She’s a nice kid,” Finn replied, trying his hardest to hide his discomfort in having this conversation. “Very bright. Probably the best student in my class.”

  “Well that doesn’t surprise me,” Landen said with a grin. “Her mother was one of the brightest minds I knew. I remember sitting in her class and being blown away by how smart that woman was.”

  “What do you know about her husband?” Finn asked, his curiosity now piqued too. “I know he is a professor too, but I was wondering if he and Emmy were close.”

  “I don’t know that much about him,” Landen replied with a sigh. “I didn’t really keep up to date with Professor Hagen’s family after her death.”

  Landen gave Finn a sad smile, and Finn knew he was still sad about the loss of his mentor.

  “I should be going,” Finn said as he turned, walking down the front steps of his parent’s home. When he reached the car, he turned back to his brother, giving him a smile. “Goodnight, Landen.”

  “Goodnight, Finn,” Landen said as he gave his brother a strange look, then he stepped down the front steps towards the car, too. “Finn.”

  “Yep!” Finn said as he gave his brother a puzzled look.

  “You know,” Landen said, as he rested his hand on the top of the car door. “If there is anything you need to talk about, ever, you know that I’m always here for you.”

  “I know,” Finn said as he gave his brother a warm smile before he turned, climbing into the back of the car. He found it comforting that even after all these years, Landen still felt like he needed to look out for him. He had never teased him as his three other brothers did. And while he knew they all loved him fiercely too, Finn liked he never had to pretend when it came to his older brother.

  “Straight home, Finn?” Thomas asked as he pulled the car away from the front of Finn’s parent’s home.

  “Yes please, Thomas,” Finn replied as he settled back into the seat, staring out the window as they made their way down his parent’s driveway. He thought about Emmy once more, and despite himself, he smiled when he imagined her pretty face smiling back at him.

  Of all the girls he had ever met, he wondered why she had to be the one that had gotten under his skin. Being with her was not an option. He was her professor, she was his student. It was against the rules of the college. It was that simple. He needed to push her out of his mind and let go of these silly fantasies he had in his head.

  “Are you okay, Finn,” Thomas asked, pulling Finn from his thoughts.

  “Yes, thank you,” Finn said as he allowed his eyes to meet the older man’s in the rearview mirror. “It’s just been a long day.”

  “Are you sure?” Thomas pushed, and Finn knew that he too could see through his lie, just as Amelia and Landen had.

  “Am I really that easy to read?” He asked the man with a chuckle.

  “Not really,” Thomas laughed. “It’s just, I have known you since you were a little boy. I knew every time you were worried or upset. You see, you learn to read people when all you can see are their eyes in a rear-view mirror. So it doesn’t matter if they smile or try and hide their troubles because you can’t hide them from your eyes. And I see the worry in your eyes.”

  “Can I ask you something?” Finn said, sitting forward in his seat.

  “Of course you can,” Thomas replied, giving Finn a smile. “But you know you always could.”

  “I know,” Finn nodded and smiled back. “Do you believe that there is only one truly great love in this life for us?”

  “I do,” Thomas replied with a sad smile. “As you know, I lost my one true love a long time ago. The day I lost my wife, was the day part of my heart died too. I mean, sure I have dated other women, but I could never love someone the way I loved Joy. She was the other half of my soul.”

  “But how did you know she was the one when you met her first?” Finn asked, curious about this.

  “I just did,” Thomas shrugged. “The moment I saw her, I knew that my life would never be the same again. It was like something inside me knew. Perhaps my soul knew it had found its mate, and finally, I felt complete.”

  “I see,” Finn sighed as he sat back into his seat once more.

  “I can tell by your face that this wasn’t the answer you were hoping for,” Thomas replied with a knowing grin. “I take it that your soul has found its mate, too.”

  “It’s complicated,” Finn sighed once more.

  “When is love ever anything but complicated?” Thomas laughed.

  “That’s true,” Finn nodded, but he knew it was a different kind of complicated.

  “Look,” Thomas said as they came to a stop at a traffic light, and Thomas turned back in his seat to look directly at Finn. “If it’s meant to be, it will work itself out. Love always finds a way.”

  Finn smiled but didn’t reply. Instead, he just nodded before he turned his attention back out of the window.

  Love! Finn thought to himself. Did he love Emmy? How could he; he barely knew her? Yes, there was something between them, even if it was all just in his own mind, but love? He honestly didn’t know how he felt.

  You’re thinking like a teenage girl; he scolded himself in his mind. And you need to stop these ridiculous thoughts.

  Finn knew that no matter how he felt, he and Emmy could never happen, so he needed to do the only thing he knew how to do. He needed to push his feelings back down inside him, pretending they didn’t exist.

  The following night he would go on his date with Louise, he would, as Liam had put it, seal the deal. Louise was a grown-up, someone he could be with without his world completely imploding.

  As for Emmy, he needed to think of her only as Ms. Warner and keep his professional life very far away from his personal one.

  Chapter 7

  Finn pulled up outside Louise’s apartment building at exactly five minutes to eight. He was due to collect her at eight, and Finn was always on time. He switched off his engine and sat in the darkness in his car, waiting for the five minutes to pass, because he didn’t want to be early once again.

  He had been early for the last two dates and Louise had made a joke about it, but Finn wasn’t sure if she was laughing with him or at him for always being early. He sometimes struggled with social cues, often mistaking people’s humour as sarcasm. So he made a mental note that he wouldn’t be early again.

  As he sat in the darkness, Emmy crept into his mind once more. He had decided that the best way of dealing with his feelings for her, was to keep a safe distance from her until he had gotten over this ridiculous infatuation. He needed to keep things on a more professional level.

  For starters, calling her by her first name had allowed the lines to blur between them in his head, so he needed to stop that right away. Also, he fought the urge he had to seek her out as they sat in his classroom. He kept his focus on the lesson, and the book he was reading from and refused to let his gaze fall on her for the entire class.

  This meant he didn’t call on her during the classroom discussion, which had been hard for him not to do.

  Finally, as she was leaving the classroom, she told him to have a good weekend. He didn’t even look up from his paperwork when he replied to her. Instead, he just grunted, ‘you too, Ms. Warner,’ keeping his focus on the paper he was reading.

  Finn knew it seemed childish, almost in a passive-aggressive kind of way, but it was the only way he knew to keep a tight rein on his feelings for her.

  He didn’t even have to look at her, to sense she was confused by his behaviour. He could hear the uncertain sigh she released as she slowly turned, walking out of the classroom.

  Now, sitting there in the darkness of his car, he wished he hadn’t been so cold and distant with her. After all, how he felt about her was not her fault. So punishing her for it was unfair and mean.

  “YOU’RE AN IDIOT!” He cried to himself, as he scrubbed his face with his hands, blowing out a long, frustrated breath. When he opened his eyes, he glanced down at the clock on his car
and groaned when he realised it was already ten minutes past eight.

  For the first time that he could remember, Finn was late.

  “SHIT!” He cried as he quickly pushed open the door of his car, jumping out. He hurried around his car before he rushed up the steps to the front door of Louise’s apartment. Taking a steadying breath, he reached up and pressed the intercom next to the door while waiting for her to answer his ring.

  “Hey!” Louise exclaimed in her usual bubbly voice, and Finn grimaced the moment he heard it. He really wasn’t in the mood for tonight, but he was here, so there was nothing he could do about it now.

  “Hi,” Finn said, speaking into the microphone on the intercom. “Sorry I’m late.”

  “It’s fine,” she replied, and Finn could hear the smile in her voice. “Why don’t you come on up?”

  The buzzer on the door sounded and Finn pulled open the door, before he hurried inside, and up the stairs. She had surprised him a little by inviting him in. Normally she would tell him that she would be right down, and he would wait for her at the front door of her apartment building.

  As he made his way up the stairs, he thought about what Liam had said the night before; about the three-date rule. This was their fourth date, and Finn wondered if maybe Louise wanted to seal the deal too.

  When he reached the door to her apartment, Finn took a deep breath, before he softly tapped on the door. A couple of moments later, he could hear the chain slide open on the far side of the door, but Finn suddenly felt very nervous.

  “Hey,” Louise said with a bright smile the moment she opened the door. “I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”

  “My mom called when I was in the car,” Finn lied, not really sure what else he should say. He didn’t think, ‘I was killing time by daydreaming about one of my students, and I lost track of time,’ would be the right thing to say.

  “No worries,” she replied as she stepped back, letting him into her apartment. “I’m just glad you made it.”

  The first thing Finn noticed as he stepped through the door, was the smell of something cooking. It smelled delicious, but he had assumed they were going out, so now he felt more than a little thrown.